I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again. I don’t know why people go out and drink soda (unless you are sick and drinking ginger ale). It just doesn’t make much sense to me; water is free, and juice tastes better.
But that didn’t stop me from buying several novelty sodas.
In my lovely hometown of Ellicott City, they have a shop called EC Pops. It was eradicated by the floods that happened in Old Ellicott City, but it has risen from the ashes once more to sell its novelty socks, popcorns, and rubber ducks. Honestly, it’s a very interesting store. I highly suggest it if you’re in the area.
But the one thing that caught my eye in the store was its plethora of novelty beverages. Many different kinds of soda adorned the walls from pickle soda to grass soda. They even had a soda that depicted Kim Jong Il (which was called the Nuclear Orange Bomb). I didn’t think it could possibly taste like what they were boasting it would taste like, so I asked the store clerk if they actually had the taste of “grass” or “pickle,” and she said yes.
Honestly, I really didn’t want to try it, but I posted on my Instagram (which is where I put all my updates) if people wanted to read a review of the soda, and they said yes… So, this review is a result of the poll that I had on my Instagram story. Thank you to all who voted. And I hate you.
I don't even know why I let you guys decide this decision...
I gathered a few friends (because misery loves company, or whatever that stupid saying is) and forced them to drink them with me. Collectively, we bought nine(?) sodas, but I’m just going to hit the highlights for today. Maybe another day I will go over the other ones that we drank. My friends and I each took one shot glass of the soda, and we still had some leftover.
The three sodas that we tasted... At least their packaging is pretty.
The main one that caught my attention that day was the Butter Soda. The shade of nuclear yellow that it was really piqued my interest and it was the one that I posted on my Instagram story in the first place. The first thing that I thought when the drink was poured was that it really did smell like butter. I know that was something that the clerk boasted, but I honestly didn’t think that it was the truth. I thought that she was trying to just sell the soda that was on the shelf.
As soon as I smelled the soda, the only thing that I felt was dread. I didn’t really want to drink something that smelled so much like butter. Don’t get me wrong, I love butter, but I recognize the fact that it is usually used as an ingredient. Something to accent a dish, not control it entirely. I have no desire to eat a whole stick of butter. Even still, I took a sip of the soda.
My initial thought was “Wow. They really did nail the butter taste.” Which then caused me to think “Why, oh God why, did I decide to drink this soda.” I immediately retched and drank some water. I will say that it does accomplish exactly what it wants people to do. It tastes like someone mixed sugar and butter and then carbonated it to create this horrid amalgamation.
Not going to lie, I think this was my expression after drinking each soda...
The one thing that surprised me was the sugar. I didn’t really look at the bottles before I drank them, but upon further inspection, it seems like all of the sodas had some pure cane sugar in it. So, while the soda had a butter taste, it was also strangely sweet.
After drinking that, I decided to just move onto a different flavor: dirt. This is one of the flavors that I wasn’t expecting a whole lot from but thought I wouldn’t mind. As a former disgusting child, I didn’t think that I would really mind the taste of dirt. From what I remembered in my youth, dirt tended to just taste a bit minerally and (for a lack of a better word) earthy.
Keeping in mind the cane sugar this time, I drank my shot of soda. And honestly, it wasn’t that bad. It was pretty much exactly what I was expecting. The flavor of dirt and some sugar mixed in for good measure. Now, can I say that the taste of dirt is good now that I am an adult?
No. What kind of question is that. It’s dirt. You don’t eat dirt for fun. What an absurd thing to think.
Now, the final flavor that I wanted to talk about was grass. Again, as a former disgusting child, I ended up eating a lot of grass. And if I’m being completely honest, I didn’t really mind the taste of grass. I mean, who doesn’t love the smell of a freshly mowed lawn? Of course, I would get a stuffy nose after eating some grass… But I digress.
I was pleasantly surprised to find that the smell of the soda was exactly what I was expecting: a sweet, freshly mowed lawn. It excited me to drink this one. I had very high hopes.
However, as soon as I took my shot, I realized that it wasn’t exactly the taste that I was expecting. It ended up tasting more like a green apple drink; nothing like the grass taste that I was expecting. It was kind of shocking, but it wasn’t awful. The grass flavor was still there hiding behind the grass flavor. It was kind of like trying to single out one instrument in an orchestra; it takes some time to notice it, but if you try hard enough, you’ll be able to single out the French horn sound.
So, it was really the best of the three that I tried. It had a subtle grass taste, but that was fine by me. It wasn’t like I was dying to drink grass despite my fixation on grass as a child.
One thing that all three of these sodas (and if I’m being completely honest, all of the sodas at EC Pops) have in common is the fact that they all taste really stale. None of them really tasted that good because it all tasted like it was on the shelf for months. And after just typing that out, I wouldn’t really be surprised if that was the case.
I wish that I could have drank these beverages as soon as they hit the shelves, but I have a feeling that no matter what time I go into that store, the soda would always be stale.
Final Scores:
Butter Soda – 4/10
Dirt Soda – 3/10
Grass Soda – 5/10
Bonus
I know that you guys are probably curious about the Kim Jong Il soda. I mean, a soda that is themed after North Korea’s former dictator seems like a very interesting concept. When I asked the clerk what that one tasted like she said that it just tasted like a basic orange soda (I mean Nuclear Orange Bomb is kind of a dead giveaway…).
I just want to be in the same room as the person who pitched this soda.
Much like the other sodas that I had that day, this soda was stale. It did deliver on the orange flavor, but I don’t think it could have been described as a “nuclear bomb” of orange flavor. If anything, it was just another stale soda, but this time the flavor was just orange.
It wasn’t that novel, and it certainly didn’t warrant any kind of affiliation with Kim Jong Il, but I guess they did it for the novelty factor anyways. A stale, non-inspiring soda.
Final Rating: Kim Jong Il Soda – 5/10