If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, but I think that Oreo has the perfect product. It has the perfect ratio of biscuit and crème, appeals to all preferences of preferred cookie texture, and it pairs well with any milk-based drink. It is perfect. Perfection in a round cookie.
If you couldn’t tell already, I love Oreos. What I love most about the Nabisco company is that they are consistently trying to mess with the formula and create tons of different flavors. So many, in fact, they have become a sort of meme in the foodie world.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Who would be insane enough to try and get all the different kinds of flavors that Oreo comes in? Who would waste that much time and money trying to consume that much Oreo?
Me. The answer is me. I am the one who apparently has the time to do this.
Lady Gaga’s Chromatica Oreo
An insult to our queen, Lady Gaga.
Back in December 2020, Nabisco and our effervescent queen, Lady Gaga, decided to collaborate and make a new Oreo inspired by her upcoming album, Chromatica. And the gays screamed pure joy.
I didn’t really know what to expect going into 2021, but a Lady Gaga and Nabisco project was the last thing I expected. And after tasting the cookie, all I have to say is… This is not it fam.
I don’t know who in the advertising company thought that the only thing they needed to do was change the colors on the Golden Oreo, the absolute WORST flavor of Oreo, to a god-awful pink and green (which I will admit… Is kind of a mood in some circumstances), but they need to be fired immediately.
Seriously, nothing about the original flavor of the Golden Oreo has changed except for the fact that you can taste the food coloring in the crème. It is probably one of the worst, if not the absolute worst, that Nabisco has ever done. They have not only disrespected every Oreo consumer, but they disrespected every Lady Gaga fan. Which I think might be the greater of two sins.
Gluten Free Oreo
Unknown, A disgusting pile of dust (2021), crappy phone camera
Here’s the thing, I’m all for gluten free food… But only if we can all agree that all gluten free food that’s meant to have gluten in it is trash. All of it is trash. I have tried so many different gluten free substitutes that claim that they are “just as good,” but the reality is that the science just isn’t there yet.
That being said. The Gluten Free Oreos are… Trash.
It was by far the driest cookie I had ever had in my entire life. I had to down an entire glass of water just to get the chocolate-flavored sawdust out of my mouth. It literally drained all the moisture from my tongue and forced me to submit to having a dry mouth for the next few minutes.
If you don’t have a gluten intolerance, why would you opt for this option anyways? You already forfeited your right to have a “healthy” cookie when you decided to eat an Oreo. It honestly made me question so much of my own morals as I was eating this atrocity against all Oreo kind.
Strawberry Frosted Donut Oreo
I love a colorful package. It just brings you in.
The Strawberry Frosted Donut Oreo came out this year during lent… Which meant that I couldn’t eat this until much later since I decided that I was going to give up artificially sweet foods. I kept these Oreos in the pantry for the longest time… Waiting for the moment that I could try this limited-edition flavor. And this one was definitely worth it.
In my mind, all I wanted from a Strawberry Frosted Donut Oreo was the texture of an Oreo, but the flavor of a strawberry frosted donut. Which I’ll admit, does sound a bit strange. But I think that this Oreo definitely delivered in that aspect. The all the artificial strawberry flavors were coming out at just the right notes not to overwhelm the stale donut flavor. It was the perfect combination that I was looking for.
It looks so appealing... Just the sprinkle in the frosting is so good.
Physically, this was the most unique-looking Oreo I’ve ever seen. The crème was split into two distinct layers: a beige crème that resembled the color of a donut and a pink crème that resembled the color of frosting. What surprised me the most about these two layers was that they were also distinct in flavor. If you wanted, you could just have a strawberry Oreo (which I’m surprised that we haven’t already seen a strawberry Oreo) or just a donut flavored Oreo, you could. Not that I would necessarily recommend doing that, but it is a possibility.
Either way, I highly suggest grabbing a pack (or two) the next time these are in rotation. They were unique enough for me to actually want them again, and the novelty still hasn’t worn off yet.
Caramel Coconut Oreo
The familiar packaging hides a horror all on its own.
Although I don’t think the Caramel Coconut Oreo was actually an exclusive Oreo, I was mildly surprised when I saw it in the wild at my local grocery store. Already, I understood that it was going to be a cloying flavor that I really didn’t want to experience, but I thought that maybe they would mellow out the flavors and adjust for the optimal sweetness level.
I was wrong.
In the end, this Oreo was nothing more than an overwhelming cascade of sweetness that assaulted my tongue and teeth with its unforgiving amount of sugar. I actually think that I got a few cavities by just having the frosting interact with my teeth for just a second. What a truly terrible product.
Red, White, and Blue Oreo
As a rule, I'm morally opposed to any kind of overt American nationalism. If it wasn't for the popping candy, I wouldn't have purchased this.
Now, if you’ve read my Trolls Oreo review, you’ll know that I love Pop Rocks! It makes for a dynamic change that is welcome in almost every candy. It just adds a fun third layer that I can really appreciate. Just recently, I had a random piece of chocolate from my pantry and was pleasantly surprised by the popping candy in it… And then I ate two more pieces before I realized that I was just standing in my kitchen opening and closing my mouth like a weirdo.
All this to say… These red, white, and blue Oreos had popping candy in them. Although, you could have fooled me because it didn’t feel like there were any in there at all, and I attribute this mostly to the crème.
This was the best shot of a Red, White, and Blue Oreo I could get. I'm sorry folks.
Instead of making a one-layer crème with three different colors in it, Nabisco decided that they were going to make three layers of crème with the three distinct colors. Not only did this make the cookie look too busy, but it also hid the popping candy from shining. With the Trolls Oreo, the popping candy was made present in almost every bite. With this candy, you couldn’t even feel it unless you had the crème sit on your tongue for at least 20 seconds. Not ideal at all.
Out of all the Oreos on this list, this was the one I was most excited for and ultimately the most disappointing of them all. I thought I could live out the glory days of the Trolls Oreo, but instead, I was given some off-brand, disgusting, imbalanced cookie.
Apple Cider Donut Oreo
Cinnamon. That’s what this Oreo tasted like.
Not that I don’t like cinnamon. It’s just that when I’m having something called an “apple cider donut,” I would like it to have some kind of apple flavor as well. And whatever they were using for the apple, it just wasn’t enough to satiate my desire for the fruit.
It had that unique double layering that the Strawberry Frosted Donut Oreo had.
I think what really spoiled this Oreo was the fact that I had an actually good apple cider donut only a week before finding this in my grocery store. I really wanted to relive the experience, so I thought that this would help bring back nostalgic memories… From a week before. I dunno, I had a good time that week.
Instead, it tainted my memory with an invitation to the world’s driest cinnamon dessert that just coats your mouth. This disappointment will forever be burned into my mind in the worst way possible. I will never forgive. Never forget.
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